Dance floor.

Prom was yst.
The event was pretty enjoyable, except most of us were quite rude. Getting up in the middle of it and nvr sat down in our seats for a very long time. Photo taking was great and everyone look nice :)
Didnt get to take pictures with some of the people, couldnt find them. After it ends, the whole lobby was packed totally.

Went club aft that. It was crazy. i thought that half of the school was there.
At some point, you couldn't even move. It was that squeezy.
Saw the wild side of most school mates, everyone was just crazy.

I guess yst was a great day :)

Fireworks out.

This time last week, i was pondering about my future, feeling all so pessimestic and low, like future's all gone. So purposeless. It was as if time has stopped together with the putting down of the pens on friday.
But please, do not take it the wrong way. After few weeks of time with books, everything ends so abruptly that leaves me at a loss.
And the burden of finding a prom dress weighs down heavily man. After being out of shops for a pretty long time, my taste had changed. I need something that's out of the mainstream, not the common style you see down the streets. That makes things hard, can't find something i like. Something appropriate for the event, something i could continue using after the event.

I thought about prom. I hope everyone would not start commenting on the appearances of the others. Would defeat the purpose then. But i guess people, inevidently would have many things to say. I saw alr, the materialistic, superfical side of many.

Oh we had a sleepover at vicky's yst. Planned a movie marathon. But it was pretty screwed up. Watched only one movie. Hah. More of a girls night, with nail painting, thinking hard about prom dresses and popping champagne(what a hard time we had) .. Her parents were very kind, bringing us all to a nice cafe for awesome breakfast. How lovely are they.

Then joey came over to sleep yst. Went shopping. At the very last stop, we got our dresses. Yay, long long one. :) I thought it was pretty unique, finally omg. Oh yeah, wanted to make gifts for teachers but we collapse halfway thg it.

I'm praying with all my heart now, that i dont have to go back and touch those books again.

Ohyay F3's going to malaysia and spent the first day of 2010 together. :) Miss them so much.

Maybe i should do up some resolutions for my life thereafter. At least for the coming months.

-get a goodpaying job. (pretty settled i think)
-of cos, have more time for family after much neglect.
-kids day out with s.lam and whoever.
-houseworkcookingsewing women'sjob.
-go back for camps.
-pick up a new skill.
-exercise, at least once a week.
-catch up with some awesomw books shows movies.

I'm reading Victorine, something about women. So proud of her. Struggling between duty and love, that isn't easy at all.
After taking Lit, i'm pretty glad that i'm able to take it in a diff way :)

Last.

Yesterday, some of us came to a realization, that next week is the final and last week. Of our jc life. Of our school life. It's the last week in school uniform, singing the national anthem, going to classes and enduring all the lessons. After the next week, we'll no longer be students, where teachers are there to keep a look on us. Everything else is much dependent on us alr.

Somewhere, although some of them don't really think much of this last week, its impacts on me is probably greater. Throughout the 12 years of education, there's definetely many bad times i've went thg. Yet, those lovely moments offset all negative ones. I'll still miss school.

With just 4 weeks left, the stress is really getting to most of us. It's probably one of the rare periods in school, where you'll see j2s studying. Personally, my panic attacks are over, prehaps once in a blue moon.

Today, tuition was pretty good. The whole atmosphere was not so intense. And i think we all learn pretty much today. Dinner was good too, vicky was particularly irritating :)
I'm enjoying the peace after school, having the whole classroom to ourselves, and all ard is so quiet! :)

ohman, my eyelids are very heavy.

Taking Off Now

At times, waves just come crashing onto the shore, so ruthlessly. Seems like it's not going to stop. With every wave breaking, it brings something with it. You think it's going to make you feel refreshed, all those sprays of cold salt water. But no. Drags you into the water, deeper in, further out. Pulling you so that you can't reach the shore anymore. That's when you just drown.

These few days was like a realisation for me, about many things.
How money can cause so many things to happen.
Alot of things amazed me, including my own actions.
Couldn't quite believe that myself.

Things that never stay permanent, i chose to avoid those. Although i was much dependent in the past on the people ard me, i realise, how quickly ppl changes. Kindof tiggered out the qns, if there really ppl who could give it their all for you? I got the answer that, no, it's only you after all, independence is so impt.
It's actually putting me off, those pretences. No, i no longer want to put on that smile when i can't, say things that i don't want too.
I guess, when everything comes to a stage where it's each to his own, you'll realise who really cares.

Look into the mirror.

today's tuition ended unexpectantly in tears. :/
All of it triggered out by a qns. Then it got to a whole round of talk, which left almost all of us teary.

It's definitely comforting to know that, there is people who stumble through this phrase of their life, that people fought through with sheer hard effort, and of course it's really nice to know that there's people who are there beside you.
It's good to fall back on stories of success, whether it's about hard work or luck. You could constantly remind yourself that, yeah others made it, and here's your turn.

Even right now, with just 44 days left, i can honestly say, i don't know if i can make it. I used to have doubts on whether i've made the correct choice by choosing this route.
Running this final lap, i'll say that this is what i've chosen, and i believe i've made the best choice for myself. I guess, no matter what the outcome would be, it's one of the best experience i've had, and i will be able to say that i've give it my all. No regrets whatsoever.

It's pretty true that if you feel lousy about yourself to begin with, you cannot step up any further.
Also i don't think i'll ever put my heart into helping someone if i don't see her/him doing justice to herself by starting to work hard. One must be worthly and deserving to be helped.

:)

I believe in fate, and that it brings people together, making us all meet for a reason.
Coming into a jc, i've seen quite a number of people.

Some became very dear to me. Most of my happiest moments are shared with them, and they're there for many of my darkest moments too. I know i'll probably still keep in contact with most of the people who falls into this category, and it'll be really hard to give up the bonds forged within this period. Indeed, they've showed me a lot of things, taught me what a true friend really means, pulling me through many rough patches, pulling me tight when things are ugly. Yes of course, they have their own flaws, but to be able to compromise these flaws brings us all closer.
I'm most grateful to this bunch of people.

With the good ones comes the not so good ones too. Few months back, i'll probably blame on fate for beinging us together, to make me see the side of people that most would prefer to avoid. Indeed some had brought much misery. Through all these, i've got a taste of what i am going to encounter in life later on, the people i'll encounter later on. And they taught me many things too. Fate probably set them up, for me to see who are the dearer ones. Now, i choose not to think that they're bad, but rather, we're just of different frequencies.

Woah, i don't quite know how all these came spilling out. Got quite a bit of the above from my tuition teacher. I've learned about than just mere lit from her. I must say, she's one of the best person i've ever met.

Allright, time to get some actions done instead of just empty talks.

With that, i'll like to say, i'll really like to go into the uni with all the people i hold dear. :)

It's all that now.

School's getting more dreadful with each passing day.
The 2.5hrs long lessons are particularly draining, and given our short attention span, i feel that it is not reaping much benefits for most of us.

I walk in school, not feeling the fresh feeling each day once brought. The amount of workload is accumulating, as well as the stress. It's actually normal these days to see some outbursts, or experience it yourself. A random explosion helps alot, much better than keeping it in and not letting it out.

I end the day worse, knowing that i'll continue the same whole process tml again. I am so tired that i could think of nothing else. Throughout the same, i've been fighting against the urge to lie down, to close my eyes and catch some sleep. :/ sleeping now is a priviledge already.

To be honest, with 47 more days, i don't quite see how i'm going to get my goals. And i have heard this sentence repeated almost daily by most. Demoralized by the prelims results, it'll be quite normal for us to feel hopeless. I'm especially put down by econs, due to a S this time round again. It has the same effect after i've put in effort. What to do? I search for the answer. Then i go deeper down yet again.

Sometimes when you're feeling downright bitter and when all the negative emotions come crashing, i realised that it takes a really simple thing to lighten up everything. A cone of mixed berries ice-cream. A note of encouragement from close friends. A pat on the back. Someone to stand by you. :)

Afterall, it isn't life that is complicated, it is us who makes it all so bad.

HELLO HELP?

I feel like i'm carrying the whole earth. So damn heavy.

Freak. I want to scream out loud. I'll explode sooner or little.

AHHH.

SOS PLEASE

The rain just gets heavier.

The first two days of school were downright horrible. And it just went downhill today.
All cos of results.

Maths, though expected, but. but.
Lit was prehaps the most disappointing one. Thought i'll do better than that seriously.
Gp paper 1 was another demoralising piece.

And, this's not all.

Now, i'm starting to think, i should have just went poly, i should have just stayed back last year.
Teachers are not really helping. Your class is the most unprepared for A levels among the whole cohort. And, seeing how they assist the 4h2s classes.. yeah, they're the potential scholars, but it just made me feel so helpless. Ah freak, i'll probably jump down if i don't get into a uni.

As much as i've said that i'll not let prelims results affect me, it's actually pulling me down much worse.

Break those gates

Yesterday, had lunch at the aston with ana erin and audrey. And the four of us were such kind people. We found a handphone on the pavement, and picked it up. Tried to call using the contacts but couldn't didn't manage to. Then someone called, and we met them and return the phone to them!

If only all the people in the world are honest, then it'll be really great. Then i didn't have to lose my wallet and phone, only to get it back all rotten after months. :/

It's 58 more days. SOS please. Can't find myself sitting down for at least 5 hours. This week is so filled up with events, and at the end of the week, i 'll always feel that there're a million things to do, so much so that i can't find one to start with.

Nono, sdsm, to quote with from school. Starting from next week!

Pose for a pic, please.

HAPPY GIRLS :)

THURS, steamboat with F3s :) Probably one of the last gathering alr. And one of the best. It was good fun, good photo taking, good people. I'll surely miss them like shit.


WED, swimming. tanning. Great fun, esp the wave pool cos everyone can't really grab the float. Great time tanning, but the after effect is horrible omg. We totally overkill.
I've decided too put more effort into swimming. Healthy lifestyle yo.





WED, dinner at ion! :) yay, been a really long time since i saw some of them, esp ivy. All so engrossed in our own life, meeting up seems so rare. And i get this feeling that it'll just get more difficult. Time flows, things goes. Hopefully not our friendship.

Can't remember when was this taken. ICONS :)

WCP (plaza, not park), time to study girls!

My right ear is hurting for some unknown reason, but i guess it's most probably ear infection. And the last few nights had been terrible. Sleepless. Can't turn on my left cos of my terrible sunburnt skin, not the right cos of my ear. Don't prefer lying on my back. Ahh.

With the opening of sch week, there's the final lap to A's. With that, comes prom, and yes, the end. What a rush ending it's gonna be, for this short two years. I can't say that i'll like to remain in the sch for even another day, but i'll defintely miss the fun like shit. Made some really awesome good friends. And saw the another terrible side of people.

I'm starting to realise, if you want something really bad enough, you'll throw in all. That's the desperation. That we all need now.

Go on and take a plane.

Good time spent at home today. At least there's no disturbance from anyone.
Though i have to say that this works well for two days at the max.
Too much of slience will kill.

Now. I. Really. Want. To. Get. On. A. Plane.
AND GO AWAY AWAY AWAY.

Singapore gets a little boring nowadays. Like, you can't find a bench with really clear waters, a cliff with really smashing waves, a mountain that is really massive and, yes snow!
I'll like some days, that i can be dressed up in winterwear, those really thick furs, scafts, boots. And not sweat like hell.

Okay, this week is pretty eventful. :) Can't wait.

Ohyes i'm dreading next week like, to a unlimited measurement seriously.

Birthday celebrations ought to be at the sakae outlet at the icon, over at the tanjong pagar area.
We went there to celebrate vicky's birthday, and had a pleasant surprise by the manager. :)
It was really sweet of them, to have cakes on the conveyer belt, rolling towards us! 6 little cakes with cartoon characters on it, and plenty of rose petals. It was really a lovely sight.

Fri, just before tuition, ICONS caught COCO before CHANEL. Despite the low ratings, i find the movie a pretty good one. There wasn't much of a story of how the whole Chanel came along, but rather, more on the life of the founder, Coco, and how she came to the decision not to marry. Nearly everyone was the upper-class, so elegant. And it's nice to have a look at the fashion of the past! :)
And oh, tuition wasn't so bad as i think it would be. Another happy thing.

Sat was training! :) Omg it was like a million years since the last training i went for. And it's really pleasant to see many of the J2s there too, though many more couldn't make it. It's been a really long time. Wonderful feeling to be able to sweat like that again, to stretch my limbs again(painfully). And, go for tkd lunch, yay! juniors are lovely people, and it's always more than nice to be training with the j2s! :) I'm missing last year quite a bit alr.

Today is a rainy day and i'll like to sleep 24/7. I think there's something wrong with me, cos i can sleep and sleep and sleep again! Like, i don't really feel awake after a 12 hrs sleep?


I'm kindo lokking forward to next week, with all the gatherings. :)

But recently i've realized that despite being quite dependent on people (don't think i could survive alone), i'm beginning to like to have some time alone. But i do like being in groups where i'll feel at home, no need for pretence and any sort of entertainment, acting like i'm really interested. I'm showing emotions more outwardly, not bothering to show any sort of hyporcrisy.

Life gets a little tiring sometimes you know.
Then, you'll like to just take a walk around, alone.
Maybe on your bagpack, just that and you're going.
Stopping a little, by the river, ocean, cliff.
Standing on the middle of the bridge, on a yatch in the sea.
Sitting on a cafe, just watching people go.
Someday i'll just do that.

bad times for some close friends. Hang in there, there's loads of love from around :)

It's my teapot's birthday! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICKY :)

it's been more than a year, since some really tiny girl came and sit by me yeah? Been thg much, thankyou for all the long journeys back home, and those times spent studying, and everything. :) everything's gonna be so dull without you! BFF <3

YAY!

Terrible start to the nicely planned out schedule :(
Hasn't been that focused. Distractions is all ard.

Nice days out though. Accompanied Audrey to get her shopping done,

studying out with hamster and joey was much fun :)

I think i'm growing old at a much fast pace. My back is achingly uncomfortable, for some unknown reason. I think i need to lie down a little.

Anw, the next few days, is going to be with Shakesphere, the pretty boring old man, prep for fri's tuition. I would prefer some slightly more modern text anytime, seriously.

After a terrible headache last evening, i gave in and took a panadol. Oh man, i think the pils are not going to work on me soon, cos i've been taking it so often. :( I really hate headaches omg.

After the awesome headache, i spent one whole sleepless night,
trying to plan out the outlay for my room, when my new furniture moves in.
Keep shifting the things ard, in my head. After few hours, i still couldn't quite decide how to place everything.

I'd like to live in the countryside, maybe in a cottage? Ard the hills and greens. With the sheeps and cows and lamb. And the blue blue sky. But i don't mind near the sea too. Oh yes, i'll not mind a castle too HAHA. dream on.
If i can't go and live with the nature, maybe a modern flat, with antique, woody furniture, and a countryside style is good too.

Now, whenever i look out of my window, all i see is flats. And once the view of the sea ard sentosa is now blocked. I'm so tired of being surrounded by flats!

Meeting Audrey in a while. Study, SHOP. :)
I think i've been spending too much, shall try to hold back now.

I think i should go catch some sleep now.

Piecing it all tgt

You know, sometimes it's really funny.

You listen to a song, and take it to be just another song.
But suddenly, maybe in the slient night,
you listen to it again, and.
Suddenly,
you get the song,
Like, yeah, the lyrics do make a story.
Getting into the beat, the music.

How do you know, he, she, the right one?
You'll have only one, of the one.
Then, what if you pass him/her by, let him/ her go pass.
it'll be all gone?

It's near the end, near graduation day.
Like in sec sch, then now too.
You'll get some unexpected surprises,
people whom once seems so stranger.
unity of the classes.
Treasure only after it's lost,
yeah, somewhere along there.

You know you shouldn't take that attitude,
esp with your parents.
But, you just had to, somehow.
Bad day, bad mood,
Always finding cover-ups.
But, deep down you know it's wrong,
regetting.

People who you hang out, almost everyday.
You thought, they're prehaps the closest i can ever find.
But, as it goes,
All's different, you just don't know why.

I could never picture myself,
saying, hey, i could die for this friend of mine.
Maybe, 18 years of age isn't quite enough still.


FRI. Out with ICONS. Planned for the upcominn 10 weeks. Chatted. Healthy lunch. Dessert! pictues of cos. Fruitfly research at the lib. These lovely girls!
Shopped with Hooikim. Not a wastedful trip at all. Caught up with each other. Brought some much needed essentials. :)

My life, suddenly, ain't that bad afterall :)

Lovestory meets viva la vida.
Amazing. Beautiful. Passionate.

Crying out for goodness sake.

12 hours later: my last paper, end of prelims.
It’s pretty fortunate that arts are ending much earlier. All of science counterparts are shouting out in sorrow, everytime I brought this matter up. :) Just too bad!

After crashing onto my bed for few hours in the afternoon, I’m feeling recharged up till now. Yet concentration level is pretty low. Quite in the post-prelims mood already.

Lets see. For prelims, I actually feel much more prepared, than the CTs, perhaps having read through much of the notes so many times before already. Yet, I’m not having much faith in the results.
Geog was pretty much screwed up. Human paper today’s actually okay, due the whole atmosphere was weird, and I was feeling drowsy. Physical paper, questions were indirect to me.
Econs, I’ve got a pretty good feeling about essays actually. Managed to finish all six parts. But, whether it’s crap or not, I don’t know. Pls, let me pass this time, plsss.
Lit was just usual. Nothing much to comment about this unpredictable subject ever, maybe only, I do find the poems and prose quite interesting.
Gp, my most feared subject. Don’t think I could handle another consultation with a fail. Try to apply whatever knowledge I could squeeze out then. Just hope that it’ll pay off.
Maths, the failure of my life. Curse of my life, ever since sec sch time. I think I did okay for statistics, but the pure maths part was total crap.

With this review of the prelims and having sit through the full papers, I’ve gotten a real touch with the real exams. It’s gotta be real tough man. Arts is indeed about stamina to be able to pull through those essays. About, more than 15 essays? Halfway through lit and geog the last two days, my fingers almost got detached and my arms were feeling floppy by the end of it. Totally draining physically. And I haven’t got to the amount of things we need to memorise.
But I’m glad that I was not in the science stream. Interest is totally not there.


Okay, the academic dull part is over.
I’m looking forward towards the post-prelims celebrations, which will most probably take part next week. :)
Some retail therapy is most needed.

I was reading through some geog notes the other day, and came across this term : Gender Inequality. Absolutely disgusted with the content. Bride Burns. Female Infantcide. Totally unjust, in every sense. What’s worse, mothers could actually bear to murder their own daughters, just for the sake of trying for another son. They can see their daughters be burn to death, just because of the death of their freaking old husbands. Where’s the great mother love here?
What’s with this gender inequality, seriously. If females were that insignificant, that indispensable, then these senseless egoistic males should perhaps think, where did they even start out from.

Enough ranting, I’m just glad that here, at least girls are respected.

Anw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUANG! (sorry, belated one!)
You were right, that only when it's coming close to the ending then only people starts to get closer. :) But, there's so much more time after this year! And yeah, thanks for the laughter yo! You're prehaps one of the most "high" people i know, my ogl! The wild yet elegant girl, sharing much common interest! :)
happpy birthday dear!

Btw, i'm really stuck onto the piano piece- lovestory meets vivalavida. Beautiful piece of music.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream

Life's getting too good here.

I was watching a show on tv, showing how singaporean actors goes on trip, helping the people in the poorer countries.
Sure it was meaningful.
And yes, envy shot in almost immediately.
I do want to get over this tough period soon,
gain some independence,
and go out there.
Live my dream.
Go to the places forgetten by the others, neglect in the midst of all the progress.
Go to help the people there. At the very least, give them some smiles.
I could do with some hardship, yes i can.
A little cutdown in food, no comfy bed for a little while won't hurt.
I'm pretty serious about this whole thing, i can say.


Right now, here, writing in here, in front of the computer,
lights on, music plugged in,
thinking of tml's meal alr, sick of those books there ..

But, there, right on the other side,
they've got only candles, or none at all, counting on the moonlight,
listening to the raindrops, the wind,
dying of hunger, fighting for bits of leftover on the ground, putting into their mouths whatever they can dig out,
so isolated, they don't know the outside world, definetely not their abc.

Just look.

That's why they say, Life's unfair.

Sure it is.


Anw, on a happier note,
today's studying at Icon, though rather slow, but it was pretty much fun. :)
A productive day for pictues, it's been a long time, and a long time.:)
Those two girls, swimming and doing all sorts of funny things in the water!
And, at times like this, you'll wish you're not a girl. yuccks.

AHH, i want to end this all, and go out of this place for a little while!

Midway down

/edit.

SHAWN is an irritating boy, always doing some stupid things, making stupid requests, stupid actions ..
Even my posts, he has to comment, right?
Always calling just to ask one simple thing, to disturb, to disrupt, to interrupt, to joke.
ohwell, i just have to accept this friend yeah? HAHAH.
He's probably one of the few, who don't judge others by appearances, by some stupid rumours, popularity.
Simple friendship, yet so true and strong.
Without this shortyboy, there'll be prehaps no one to do those silly stuff, even with the embarrasement that comes with it,
my mugging-for-exams nights would be pretty one straight boring dull line.
Sometimes, all it takes is a simple goodluck, a short call, to remind each other that friends do still exist, close and true ones.
Yeah, so here's a thankyou, shortylamunderwearshawnawkwar! :)

halfway thg, it's pretty much draining.

Grey clouds are heavy.

Geog, maths, Gp down. Geog was most probably crap, shit. All thanks to the irritating constant headache. Maths was okay for the second part, but the pure maths one was screwed totally. Gp, ahhh. I'm hoping just for a pass. Please.
Just 3 papers down, yet i'm feeling drained already. Stamina isn't here.
I'm still wondering, wth did i chose this jc path, and what's more, as an arts. Heavy writing, heavy memorising. Except for maths, i'll have probably written more than 2000 words by the end.

I'm missing the camps days yet again. And yeah, f3. All of us seemed to be so engrossed in our own world, busy with prelims and all. Just few months ago, outings were considered regular, picnics and all. Even studying out. ohwell, with 83 more days to go, it'll get wrose i guess.

And yes, the countdown board stationed right at the school's gate is terrific. Just to add more stress to the high level i'm already it. It's so black and white, and the impact isn't really that positive. Too much stress just breaks you, you know that.

Two years back, i was all prepared for my O's already. At least for my geography, and most subjects. Just look at me now, i can't see myself looking the results slip next week and smile. I don't want to cry seriously. Freak, thinking of that day next week, i'll bang myself against anything and die. Ahh.

One last thing, i think i look pretty weird with my new stupid specs. Makes me look old (not even older), super studious. I feel like so old lady carrying books la omg. And everyone commented that i'll look like some freak, if with contacts. Ew, something wrong with my face!

Panic attack in the dark waters

Had a panic attack, as shawn termed it.
ohyes, panic panic panic.
Esp GP consultation. It was embarrasing.


Isn't it always like that?
You lost the life-buoy,
starts to panic and kick ard.
Then you go under.
Can't touch the ground, can't see the top.
Stuck.

You pray hard, for something to come back.
And scoop you up, out of that.
And when it does, you feel anew.
Ready to charge on.

Watched "UP" with F3 yesterday. What an experience, just to get the few tickets. Vivo's queue was omg. Like the world was there. So in the end, with persistance we went to the isolated Tiong Bahru to catch the movie.
But it was all worth it! The show was great, but sadly unrealistic. How nice would it be, if there's someone who would love you so deeply, who would continue you dreams after your death. To grow old with such great love for each other is such a bliss. And so impossible.

Watched Harry Potter few weeks back. Despite the criticism going around, i still find the movie pretty good. Yes, the book has much more details and actions. But i guess, if the movie were to be exact, it'll probably cos more than a bomb, and last more than a day.
I wish someday, i would find some door, open it and go into the magical world. Then i'll meet harry potter and go on with him on your adventures. How great huh. There's be no more confined, dull studying. But i'll be playing with wands, spells, magical creatures and plants, and explore the castle! Yay :)


Maybe if i get good results for A's, Hogwarts will take me in! :)

Down, Down, Down

I've got no time, not really with much strategies, definetely much less knowledge.
HOW?
Closing to 90 days.
And here i am, still trying deperately trying to pass, which probably wouldn't get me anywhere.
AH, freak.
Come on, send me some good ways.


Oh yes, the light is most probably going out soon.

:(

Yesterday was crap.
Did analysis for 15 poems straight. 6 hours.
I thought i'm losing my mind. Seriously.
And in the early morning, i drank some tea, packet tea.
Then for the whole day, my stomach seem to be having some roller-coaster ride.
After i got home, i was going to crash, then i had to redo the Cip thingy.
Man, it was a really bad day.


Before today ends, i'm already hoping for the next weekend to be here.
See, school's really helpful.

I shouldn't be here, at all.

This time last year, some of us busy preparing, in light of the NEW ZEALAND trip.
Freak.
Yes, i'm in the wrong place.

Life reflects it.
Making the wrong choices, walking the wrong routes.
Talking to the wrong people. Writing the wrong things.
With wrong, comes right.
One day, we'll all fly wearing the correct pair of wings.

:)

Whacked up.

Freak, can't believe i failed geog. 4 more marks, AH!!

I think my body is screwed up.
I can survive a day with just one biscuit/bread.
I can sleep forever and still want to sleep.
And having headaches every now and then.
What the shit right.

I think i forgot to mention the lovely friday spent with teapot.
Has mango pudding in a ICE BOWL (i'm serious, cool right?)
Saw many gowns, esp a particulary short gown.
Went to her hot pink room and tried to hid from her. But, failed.
She forced me to stare and the star-less sky and say, yes, i see stars!
And plently of her unglam pictures.
Not forgottening naming her animals, and name the devil aft me (HAHAHA)
Hooray, we should do that more often.


Some times you realise how easily things can go.
But most of the time, it's all just in your mind.
You're so into it, still.

Up and down the hill.

Progress been fluctuating.

Just this weekend, food and clothes had been coming in, instead of words.
Bad. :(
Flea market was good with eve though, and buffet tastes great with family. :)


It's pretty amazing, the works of fate. Besides bringing people together, sometimes, it would bring the right people together.
And the right people, come together, and create stories of their own. Friendship writes stories.
When you look back at history, you'll realize the number of people you've written stories with.
For some, The book is yet to be completed and it prehaps would never reach the end. For some, there're occasional entries only, yet bearing great emotions in them. And for some, words turned to dust, faded words bringing along faint memories.

Some people, on the first meeting, you thought no, how can we ever be friends?
Yet, it turn out other wise. Opposites attacts i guess.
Close friends, would read each other minds. Popping out the question the other party have in mind, completing their statements when they couldn't go on. Awkward situations in an amusing way. Comfortable silence. Embracing the flaws.

BLUEBERRY SHORTCAKE, STRAWBERRY PIE.
I have to say this again. omg, i can't imagine how everything would turn out, if you didn't sit beside me last year, on the every first day.
I would have no teapot to go home with, to laugh at me, to save me from embarrasement and pulling me into her awkward situation. No shortcake to complete this two gruesome years with, to compromise my flaws and filling up my moments of depressions with her singing voice. Less than two years, yet it feels more than a million already. :) Pufferfish do love goldfish.
YAY.


When clouds get too heavy, they let down all the water they're holding.
Suddenly, nothing seems too grey. No more dark, heavy, stormly clouds.

If life is always right, then that wouldn't life?
Only comfort i can find it now.

Reality check.
For geog, i'm smoking thg with my secondary knowledge and my complacently. Too bad, i've been stripped off the A grade band. From my A1 in O's, to what grade in A's? I've decided to put in more than i can for it. Not going to settle with just a mere pass, or a grade C.
For the rest, i'll rather not talk about it.

I see that the stress is getting into most of my counterparts. All fervently cramming words, holding up pens scribbling. Revision plans all set. Yes, the race has started, but how long can it last?

Sometimes i'll get a glimspe of the faint light floating there, right there. It's within reach, but much have to be done, to get my hands on that. At desperate times, i'll run, heavily, struggle with every passing step. Just to reach the end. Then sometimes it'll be breakdowns. No light, it just goes out and i'll lay myself on the shapeless nowhere.

i just hope the light never dies.

So, things are cleared. But, my feelings, i can't vouch for that.

Somehow, it's the gulit that lingers around here. Is it just gulit, or more than that?
I still think that there're much better flowers out there, really.

Life's such a bitch, seriously.

All screwed up. In all possible ways.


AHHHHH.

Yeah, so things are back to square one.
There's a theory (according to vicky),
things will just go wrong if they're meant to go wrong, something like that.
I find it true.

Good or bad, i don't know.
My feelings currently are all screwed up.
And the workload is really piling up.
I've got my revision schedule all planned out,
hopefully i'll abide by it.
And pls pls. 70 points at least for prelims.
Freak, in 5 weeks time.
Mid years are over,
i knew i can't count on that.

So here's a toast to life,
for the experiences of all senses and emotions.

i haven't mentioned something in a really long while,
life's not life without some spice.

YAY, i'm done with maths common test! :) however badly i've done, it's over! guess the hope lies in prelims, hopefully.



And yes, the last few days were spent(sadly, not that productive) with gp and maths. In the midst of all the studying, there was much thoughts and emotions coming strong.

it's been a about a year since CDAYL. :)

F3 had a picnic at the hortpark, which was really pretty and pity, since it rained and attendance wasn't that great. Nevertheless, things were still at a high level mode :)

a scene from yunnan, it reflects life a little, doesn't it?

And new zealand, most unforgettable.

Contrasting the new trips i've been, it really brings out how fortunate people are, and how much they don't appreciate things.

The school i visited in yunnan, those children there, had to cram in that freaking tiny bed together with their books and friends. with toliets that were never washed, that had no doors. some with loved ones lost. their study desks stacked up with books, all ready for lessons. had to walked probably one whole day just to go home and collect the school fees, some reaching home to only to recieve bad news.. They had the harshest conditions, but they were filled with drive for life, for learning..

And here i am, going on the wonderful new zealand trip, spending more than i could afford, eating the most filling and nurtirous meals, visiting places so leisurely, and taking learning slow. Man, how fortunate i am!

I'm going to travel around the world, and hold out my hands to those who need them. yes i will.

came across a saying from one of my friends, leon,

time flows, things goes.

oh yes, indeed so.

10 years down, i might just pass by someone close now, and not say hi.

i don't know.

But, friendships forged down, F3, MG, PAM and so much more.. No, i don't want to ever pass them as strangers. Never.

I want to grow up and sit down, talk about life together, giving blessings at each others' wedding, watching our children grow.

to become old and still say, hey there my friend, remember those old times.

it's just all too unbearable to watch things go.

next. hypocrispy.

i guess all of us are, at some point, a hypocrite. I'll love to think that i'm not too.

Even, entertaining people, just not to make things so plain, isn't that fake.

All of us puts on false fronts. But lately, all these are getting onto me.

I realised, i can't pretend, i can't stand all these shit fronts that people takes on.

Then, i'll see the sad side and empthasize with them. Then i'll be all mixed up.

See my point, at every point, i'm confused. Always.

Peekaboo! ;D

yay, new skin. :)
technology sucks btw.

You are Yellow! You are a bright, happy person. You probably like peace and harmony, and just wish that everyone could be as simply joyful as you are. You love to spend time with your friends, and are probably the optimist in the group. Not to say that you're sickeningly happy all the time, you just tend to have a positive outlook on life. You have a bright, pleasant personality that draws people to you. You can light up a whole room! You sometimes get stepped on by reds, not because you can't defend yourself, but because you prefer not to. You just don't want to disrupt the peace. Your friends go to you when they need someone to encourage them or to help them look on the bright side. You can also be very insightful; you have a way of seeing the world differently, more perceptively, than most people. At the same time, however, you can be a little...well, you live in your own little world. Just like yellow can go with most colors, you can get along with most people - as long as they can stand your optimism! You, in a nutshell: Happy, peace-loving, bright, insightful, optimistic, supportive, loving, compassionate.

what nice compliments from FB. :)

freakshit.
this thing is getting nowhere.
yeah, i don't have the courage to even feel the path.
but, waters are clearing up.
plain and clear.
i see what i wants.
everything.
except,
i don't see my feelings coming thg.
i've been swimming,
trying to find the right fish.
but, but.


i don't want this to stay hanging.
then, i'll take back my words.
i'm afraid of the end.

joey's birthday surprise was a total success. :)

last h2 paper was just over. YAY.

i need some retail therapy!!

Haha, i'm in midst of mugging really hard for tml geog paper,
but i was disrupted by a influx of emotions.

recieved an sms just now, from shawn.
a strong force coming from joey right now.
that stupid boy, calling to disturb.
that silly girl, all the hardships we've survived thg tht.
but, life would be really stupid without them. :)
just a simple message of thanks, of appreciation..
i wouldn't exchange it for anything else, really.

material things cannot be compared,
to all the bonds forged.
they're more than just gifts, more than just ties that bind us all.
they're already a part of my life.
yeah, that's what real friendships are.

the remnants of F3,
they're just who they're.
we're just another group of ppl, coming tgt to be facilitors.
but, but..
all the outings, all the conference calls, all the stayovers..
everything, after a year?
yeah, others might think,
it's really senseless, this whole thing.
still,
i love them with all my life :)

ABOVE, zhepeng's next-of-kins.

and he lives in the zoo.

okay, so i've just went in to the toliet, and puked up the sushi from friday. It was totally grossed omg. Argh.

the life before the puke and after is woah, changed. aft was like, woooaaahhh.

for a moment, it was like, I've got the virus. Desperate times like this.

yup, so it's offically monday. No extension. Papers to survive thg. Everything's set.

Last day of holidays just bade goodbye. That sounds calm huh, but what to do? It's called firmness.

yeah, so right. I'll going to embrace reality. That's fighting towards nov, with injections of fun here and there.

No normal person can go on straight for 4 months with those books, and i consider myself perfectly normal.

I'LL ACE IT! hopefully :)

redbull, large iced brewed coffee with tons of sugar syrup.
caffine, sugar.
sugar rush?
mentally, i'm dead.
physically, i'll love a midnight run.
too bad, no guts. HAHA.

life, people, you.

is others' perception of you part of your identity?
if it's that, then, wouldn't be identity no longer a personal thing?
identity, all that that's belong to you. you and just you.
others' views of you, that's you? Your identity?
i guess .. more of a mask you put on.

how others see you, then how you behave.
letting it shape your mask.
that label you've pasted onto you,
gradually, into you ..

you can't discard this,
can't dissolve this air ard you anymore.
it's all false now.

reality.
yeah, that's that.
you only have you to hug.




even the wrong route seems right sometimes.
yeah.
it'll be right,
if you take the first step to the seemingly wrong route.
but, how many dare to?
for a start, i've got too much of shit cowardice to even feel the path.

no extended hols.
bad news, really bad news.
:(

little randomness.

#1 I NEED THE HOLS TO BE EXTENDED, REALLY. THE VIRUS IS SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE, DONT YOU SEE.

#2 LIT IS CRAZING ME CRAZY. MY GOD.

#3 SO IS A'S.

#4 SO IS THE FINANICAL INSTABLITY I'M GOING THG.

#5 ALL IN ALL, I HATE MY JC2 LIFE.

#6 RANK POINTS FOR COMMON TESTS : 65.
PLEASEEEEEEEE. JUST A 65 FOR NOW.




I NEED A LIFE, SERIOUSLY.

I've been too lazy and too busy since the start of the holidays, to come in here and write. This is the third week of the holidays, and next week will be the last. After that, school will be hell. :(

Already in the first week of school, common tests are scheduled, day after day. Following that is the maths common test, one of the most dreadful test.

These three weeks had been spent rather fruitfully, i guess. The first two was lessons and make-ups, though it was rather hard to have full concentration, esp econs. Then there's the tkd camp, a rather enjoyable camp, filled with much disagreements, quarrels, trainings, but fun too. :) Quite a number of seniors came back, suprisingly, some even from 6 years ago!

These three weeks, i think, had been a well-managed period of time, with consistent revision interjected with gatherings and fun times! Some of us had been/is on an intensive self-studying program, great time catching up on the lectures and tutorials we've been skipping. Great studying partners, F3 (shawn who's been intensively studying), and vicky, joey! :) The sad truth after all the self-denial, the work left to be done is intensively piling up, with the gradual loss of concentration and the amt of time left!

Casting work aside, there's always playtimes. Going to railmall and the meadow nearby with brothers, dinner and catching up with pri-sch mates, sec sch mates, the ongoing seemingly endless birthday celebrations..

With that, the holidays had been passing by really quickly, and the end of it drawing nearer. :(

ohwell, all these will pass in no time, hopefully, the thought of going to the uni is kind of exciting :)

I'm going to travel around the world,

I'm going to go on mission trips.

I'm going to walk down the streets with my head held high.

I'm going to hold his hands till goodbyes.

I'm going to grow old and I'm going to look back,

and say that i've made it all worthwhile.

Pal Jang Team

It was a busy day out, from in the morning, going to sch for tkd meetings and interviews, to the afternoon, having tuition, to in the night celebrating jiamin's birthday at the hard rock cafe.

woah, sure it was tiring.

It felt kind of weird not training in the sat mornings.

College life is a little too short.

But i would want it to end soon, then i'll burn all my notes, goodnessssss.

sometimes you dont know whether you've made the correct choice.

you say you've drifted,

is there even something to drift away from in the first place?

or, you feel sick of the mask you've been clinging on to,

not letting it go, cause it'll just clear up the muddy waters,

then everything will be plain and clear?

lastly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HAMSTER, BENNY, MELISSA, JIAMIN. :)

four babies on the same day, cool man!

i was that near from getting into semi-finals.
we were that near from winning.
everything that near, so close from medals.
we tried, but not hard enough i guess.
it's one time that i really wanted to win.
at least for team.
high hopes come crashing that hard.
all the efforts, the days where we stayed back.
does that amount to nothing?
i was really counting on us to win.
before going in, we were perfect.
while in the arena ..
damn. damn it.

now that everything is over,
there's no more excuses.
no more i'm tired, i need to train.
no more trainings.
this competition
good in a way, it bonded the pal jang team.
but after all this, i'm starting to miss training already.
yeah it might be some losers' club in people's eyes,
but i never regret joining it.



everything seems different today.

woah training ended late today.
and i really feel like sleeping, really.

eating coffee chocos does help, i guess.
esp when you're staying up late trying to cram words into your brain.
i foresee more of caffine in the days to come.

i miss my bed,
but it's only monday!

one good thing,
this is the first year i succeeded in making rice dumplings myself.
yay, and it turned out fine.
:)

seriously, i think everyone should not be lazy and heat up your food before eating!

hols are coming,
first two weeks, remedials.
last two weeks, mug for block tests.
holidays are already gone!
:(

tournament this thurs,
really excited, but i'm afraid.
no strength, use more force. but i've tried alr!

it takes a lot to build up a friendship,
it's not easy to keep it going strong, throughout the years.
and it takes that little to tear all apart.
have faith in friendships?
that's something to ponder.
i've got no answer to it, despite all these months.
and relationships, that's something even deeper.
everyone's like, this is the a levels year, no no.
but, i don't know, somethings, really depends on time.
the right time and all.
i do believe in fate.
if you're fated, you'll just end up together after going in circles,
after years, after everything, after all the confusion.
right now, i'm really having mixed feelings about everything.

anw, reality hits, A's are really coming fast.
no time to waste, let's all hit the books!

:(
angry, at myself.
apolgetic.

talent time.
good and bad.

attended some useful talk this afternoon,
economy and it's depressing situation.
fel read my palm.
i'll have one fling, two real love relationships.
one of which i'll be deeply into it.
HAHAHAH. hmm.
recently i've been seeing lots of couples getting together,
and a lot breaking up, or some rocky ones.
affairs of the heart never fails to hurt, right?

a boat stays far out in the open sea.
when the tide is low, it floats there, sliently, on its own,
never bothering anyone else, the rest of the boats.
when the waves hit high, it comes knocking,
into the cluster of boats that had gathered,
taking one made of the same wood,
and goes the two boats back into the open sea, again.
there's one boat left standing, and the winds come raging.
and that boat starts going, going where the waters take it.
that boat, its body, its wood, no one has it.


i think insensitive people are most intolerant.
they go and come as they like,
but what about people's feelings?
i'm exterme, my views stay strong.
like, okay, hate. and it remains.
i show what i think, no mask.
hypocrites, i can't reach the level where i can show superfical expressions.
making use of, like a toy.
people shouldn't do that, really.
how much it hurts, do you know?


right now, i really wish i could be in new zealand,
i dont want to think, relationships, academic ..
sitting on the bus, playing in the snow, standing in the icy river,
freezing chocolate bars by the window.
nature.
ahhhhh. i reallll realllly miss new zealand!

warm sunday afternoon.
avoiding books and all.
i miss my bed, i'm going to miss it even more next week.
argh, it's a whole new week, all packed.
i foresee a bad week.
remedials, trainings, tuition, assignments.
lit, 3-pages essay, analyse of story.
maths test, i'm dreading it the most.
It's going to be another disappointing test.
i've done my part, but somehow it just doesn't work out.
And talent time, going for it, or not?

see, even before the week starts,
i'm having negative preceptions of everything.

foreshadowing of the months to come.
all for the 2 weeks in nov.
once again, break it or make it?

do i regret taking this path? would i eventually, next year with my results in hand? And, a wrong choice to take the arts? all the memorising, analysing, reading into everything and anything. doubts.

but i'm already halfway through it.

hang on there.

I'M EIGHTEEN ALREADY! :)