Roar.

Chinese new year's halfway gone, and i think the merrymaking will cease with today too.
It's been hectic days following up to cny, but i'm enjoying myself quite alot.

Orientation camp before cny, which was quite a blast despite the tone down warning. As usual, it brought up memories of the previous camps.

Cny was another blast.
First two days spent with relatives, lots of gambling and eating. Lion dance at home the second day was not really an eye-opener since it's the same green lion every year.
Third day was hosting friends over at my home, another whole round of food and cards.
Yst was tkd steamboat at chinatown, getting to know some seniors catching up with some and movie!
Today was bainian at shawn's. Ard 8 hours of gambling, with all variation. Quite a feast too, pizza chicken wings fingerfood steamboat!

Chinese new year to many that i know, seems to have lost its excitement like when we were small. Yeah i do feel kinda different with the years going past, but still there's the little anticipation that i have. I think the biggest regret is, not to have a big reunion dinner!

Dance floor.

Prom was yst.
The event was pretty enjoyable, except most of us were quite rude. Getting up in the middle of it and nvr sat down in our seats for a very long time. Photo taking was great and everyone look nice :)
Didnt get to take pictures with some of the people, couldnt find them. After it ends, the whole lobby was packed totally.

Went club aft that. It was crazy. i thought that half of the school was there.
At some point, you couldn't even move. It was that squeezy.
Saw the wild side of most school mates, everyone was just crazy.

I guess yst was a great day :)

Fireworks out.

This time last week, i was pondering about my future, feeling all so pessimestic and low, like future's all gone. So purposeless. It was as if time has stopped together with the putting down of the pens on friday.
But please, do not take it the wrong way. After few weeks of time with books, everything ends so abruptly that leaves me at a loss.
And the burden of finding a prom dress weighs down heavily man. After being out of shops for a pretty long time, my taste had changed. I need something that's out of the mainstream, not the common style you see down the streets. That makes things hard, can't find something i like. Something appropriate for the event, something i could continue using after the event.

I thought about prom. I hope everyone would not start commenting on the appearances of the others. Would defeat the purpose then. But i guess people, inevidently would have many things to say. I saw alr, the materialistic, superfical side of many.

Oh we had a sleepover at vicky's yst. Planned a movie marathon. But it was pretty screwed up. Watched only one movie. Hah. More of a girls night, with nail painting, thinking hard about prom dresses and popping champagne(what a hard time we had) .. Her parents were very kind, bringing us all to a nice cafe for awesome breakfast. How lovely are they.

Then joey came over to sleep yst. Went shopping. At the very last stop, we got our dresses. Yay, long long one. :) I thought it was pretty unique, finally omg. Oh yeah, wanted to make gifts for teachers but we collapse halfway thg it.

I'm praying with all my heart now, that i dont have to go back and touch those books again.

Ohyay F3's going to malaysia and spent the first day of 2010 together. :) Miss them so much.

Maybe i should do up some resolutions for my life thereafter. At least for the coming months.

-get a goodpaying job. (pretty settled i think)
-of cos, have more time for family after much neglect.
-kids day out with s.lam and whoever.
-houseworkcookingsewing women'sjob.
-go back for camps.
-pick up a new skill.
-exercise, at least once a week.
-catch up with some awesomw books shows movies.

I'm reading Victorine, something about women. So proud of her. Struggling between duty and love, that isn't easy at all.
After taking Lit, i'm pretty glad that i'm able to take it in a diff way :)

Last.

Yesterday, some of us came to a realization, that next week is the final and last week. Of our jc life. Of our school life. It's the last week in school uniform, singing the national anthem, going to classes and enduring all the lessons. After the next week, we'll no longer be students, where teachers are there to keep a look on us. Everything else is much dependent on us alr.

Somewhere, although some of them don't really think much of this last week, its impacts on me is probably greater. Throughout the 12 years of education, there's definetely many bad times i've went thg. Yet, those lovely moments offset all negative ones. I'll still miss school.

With just 4 weeks left, the stress is really getting to most of us. It's probably one of the rare periods in school, where you'll see j2s studying. Personally, my panic attacks are over, prehaps once in a blue moon.

Today, tuition was pretty good. The whole atmosphere was not so intense. And i think we all learn pretty much today. Dinner was good too, vicky was particularly irritating :)
I'm enjoying the peace after school, having the whole classroom to ourselves, and all ard is so quiet! :)

ohman, my eyelids are very heavy.

Taking Off Now

At times, waves just come crashing onto the shore, so ruthlessly. Seems like it's not going to stop. With every wave breaking, it brings something with it. You think it's going to make you feel refreshed, all those sprays of cold salt water. But no. Drags you into the water, deeper in, further out. Pulling you so that you can't reach the shore anymore. That's when you just drown.

These few days was like a realisation for me, about many things.
How money can cause so many things to happen.
Alot of things amazed me, including my own actions.
Couldn't quite believe that myself.

Things that never stay permanent, i chose to avoid those. Although i was much dependent in the past on the people ard me, i realise, how quickly ppl changes. Kindof tiggered out the qns, if there really ppl who could give it their all for you? I got the answer that, no, it's only you after all, independence is so impt.
It's actually putting me off, those pretences. No, i no longer want to put on that smile when i can't, say things that i don't want too.
I guess, when everything comes to a stage where it's each to his own, you'll realise who really cares.

Look into the mirror.

today's tuition ended unexpectantly in tears. :/
All of it triggered out by a qns. Then it got to a whole round of talk, which left almost all of us teary.

It's definitely comforting to know that, there is people who stumble through this phrase of their life, that people fought through with sheer hard effort, and of course it's really nice to know that there's people who are there beside you.
It's good to fall back on stories of success, whether it's about hard work or luck. You could constantly remind yourself that, yeah others made it, and here's your turn.

Even right now, with just 44 days left, i can honestly say, i don't know if i can make it. I used to have doubts on whether i've made the correct choice by choosing this route.
Running this final lap, i'll say that this is what i've chosen, and i believe i've made the best choice for myself. I guess, no matter what the outcome would be, it's one of the best experience i've had, and i will be able to say that i've give it my all. No regrets whatsoever.

It's pretty true that if you feel lousy about yourself to begin with, you cannot step up any further.
Also i don't think i'll ever put my heart into helping someone if i don't see her/him doing justice to herself by starting to work hard. One must be worthly and deserving to be helped.

:)

I believe in fate, and that it brings people together, making us all meet for a reason.
Coming into a jc, i've seen quite a number of people.

Some became very dear to me. Most of my happiest moments are shared with them, and they're there for many of my darkest moments too. I know i'll probably still keep in contact with most of the people who falls into this category, and it'll be really hard to give up the bonds forged within this period. Indeed, they've showed me a lot of things, taught me what a true friend really means, pulling me through many rough patches, pulling me tight when things are ugly. Yes of course, they have their own flaws, but to be able to compromise these flaws brings us all closer.
I'm most grateful to this bunch of people.

With the good ones comes the not so good ones too. Few months back, i'll probably blame on fate for beinging us together, to make me see the side of people that most would prefer to avoid. Indeed some had brought much misery. Through all these, i've got a taste of what i am going to encounter in life later on, the people i'll encounter later on. And they taught me many things too. Fate probably set them up, for me to see who are the dearer ones. Now, i choose not to think that they're bad, but rather, we're just of different frequencies.

Woah, i don't quite know how all these came spilling out. Got quite a bit of the above from my tuition teacher. I've learned about than just mere lit from her. I must say, she's one of the best person i've ever met.

Allright, time to get some actions done instead of just empty talks.

With that, i'll like to say, i'll really like to go into the uni with all the people i hold dear. :)

It's all that now.

School's getting more dreadful with each passing day.
The 2.5hrs long lessons are particularly draining, and given our short attention span, i feel that it is not reaping much benefits for most of us.

I walk in school, not feeling the fresh feeling each day once brought. The amount of workload is accumulating, as well as the stress. It's actually normal these days to see some outbursts, or experience it yourself. A random explosion helps alot, much better than keeping it in and not letting it out.

I end the day worse, knowing that i'll continue the same whole process tml again. I am so tired that i could think of nothing else. Throughout the same, i've been fighting against the urge to lie down, to close my eyes and catch some sleep. :/ sleeping now is a priviledge already.

To be honest, with 47 more days, i don't quite see how i'm going to get my goals. And i have heard this sentence repeated almost daily by most. Demoralized by the prelims results, it'll be quite normal for us to feel hopeless. I'm especially put down by econs, due to a S this time round again. It has the same effect after i've put in effort. What to do? I search for the answer. Then i go deeper down yet again.

Sometimes when you're feeling downright bitter and when all the negative emotions come crashing, i realised that it takes a really simple thing to lighten up everything. A cone of mixed berries ice-cream. A note of encouragement from close friends. A pat on the back. Someone to stand by you. :)

Afterall, it isn't life that is complicated, it is us who makes it all so bad.